Defeating Doubt: Dreams Don’t Die while Dying, Depressed, and Drowning in Debt.
Today is MIRACLE DAY, March 4th. The day I woke up from a life-threatening coma thirteen years ago. But the story didn’t start here.
I was born the son of refugees who grew poor in America. They fled from Vietnam in 1975 after we were losing Saigon to communist China. My parents did not want to live under communist rule, so they left everything. Growing up relatively poor in Minnesota, as soon as I was old enough to work at age 14, I started to work part-time after school. I was trying to figure out how I could LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL as best I could.
As I became an adult, graduating business school at the Carlson School of Management at the U of MN, I was trying to invest in real estate and start any business that made sense. I tried several MLMs with very little success. Being a minority with humble beginnings, I wanted badly to become a successful entrepreneur so I wouldn’t have to struggle financially. I could become financially independent and not worry about earning enough income to support myself and my family and have some fun along the way.
I REALLY wanted to be able to do the work that I enjoyed and found meaningful and make an impact in people’s lives, and so I could be comfortable, and not live paycheck to paycheck and be under tons of debt, I also really wanted to raise a family and build some memories with them, and give back to my parents and give them a better life too.
When my wife and I were only married for 18 months, I went into a coma in 2007 for 3 weeks and didn’t have medical insurance. We got married in the Philippines and most Americans living there did not own medical insurance because a visit to the ER for a couple hours only costs about $20. But since I was in the ICU for weeks, I racked up a ton of medical debt. My total debt was $140,000. My dream to become financially independent and live a comfortable life with my family was crushed.
To make things worse, I felt terrible because there was NO HOPE about the future. Even though we moved back to Minnesota, I was unemployed, going to rehab, and my wife was looking for a job at the time. We moved in with my parents and I was very depressed. I felt even worse about the situation because I had filed bankruptcy in 2001 with $20,000 in debt, and made a personal promised I wouldn’t do it again. Now after the coma and facing $140,000 in debt while being unemployed, I was facing an even bigger mountain to climb. I felt like a financial FAILURE. The shame I felt since I have a background as a licensed financial advisor for 3 years after college. I felt like a hypocrite by struggling so much financially.
The problem was that my friends and their families were buying homes and nice cars while my wife and I were living with my parents and both unemployed. Which meant that we were lacking so much in comparison to my peers. It was a huge hit to my pride and myself as a man and provider for my family, which you see, we wanted to have kids together but I couldn’t get back on my feet and provide for them.
Then, as if by chance, something amazing happened…
We signed up for a bible study at church about biblical financial stewardship. By God’s grace, I gathered the mentors, the strength and encouragement to get disciplined financially. I figured that my way wasn’t working out, even though I was a Christian already, so I would dig deeper in His ways and perhaps make 1 or 2 minor adjustments. So I thought.
My whole mindset was turned upside down. I was like a second conversion! I was cut to the heart and convicted. The financial principles I learned in college and as an advisor were way off. Now some of the concepts were fine, but many were not. The biggest difference was the heart and motivation and perspective towards money and possessions. It was so enlightening!
Following His principals, we eventually got jobs and started over in our careers. We made a budget and stuck with it. My debt payments were $1500 per month plus we rented a small 2 bedroom apartment. We learned to feel content and focused on the lessons we were learning and the character growth that we were participating in. They say whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. God says that He won’t give you more than you can handle.
Living below our means, making a plan and working that plan, we saved a small down payment for a house. We bought ugly cars for cash that worked and were reliable. We were gradually able to upgrade them over time and still have no car debt. From this struggle, I discovered all about mastering money so it doesn’t master me!
It was now crystal clear to me how to get the right kind of advice, add some accountability and encouragement, we were able to buy our home with a 5% down payment after 6 years after the coma related major financial setback. Being able to buy our first home has been so great for our family. Our kids are at the same school which they love. We’ve built a friendship with our neighbors. I’m a co-captain of our block and work with the police and fire departments in Maple Grove. We lead a small bible study group in our home. It’s really been a blessing.
I also learned that God always gives you a way out of tough financial situations. We didn’t file bankruptcy because we wanted to honor God’s word and the commitments we made to repay the debts at the time we incurred them, even though much of that was out of our control. From our determination to master money, and God’s grace, we paid off $110,000 of debt in the first 3 years. People who think getting out a tough financial spot, earning income, saving money, and buying a home is far out of reach can get there with the right advice and support. It’s very important to know how to shift through the financial confusion and wrong advice out there.
I found experienced professionals who understand the bible’s timeless truths and who themselves have been through tough times. Because they align with my values and world view, they continue to be wise counselors to me. We all need these types of people in our lives. It’s because of these wise counselors that we were able to buy the perfect home for our growing family in the school district that we wanted before our oldest started Kindergarten.
Suddenly, I realized the impact of the housing market growing and the equity we were gaining. As I mentioned, I was trying to invest in real estate and start any business that made sense. That’s when it became crystal clear to me that despite financial challenges, it is possible to change course and apply solid financial principles, pay down debts, save, and buy a house as part of a financial strategy.
My plan was to use our home as a tool to improve our financial position. So I started watching the real estate and mortgage markets, learning some basic technical trading analysis, and watching interest rates to look for the best time to refinance. When the rates went down, but then started to trend upwards, I refinanced to save almost 1 whole percent off my interest rate and lowered my mortgage insurance at the same time, and of course, my monthly payments.
After that, we wanted to tap into the equity of the home to use for home improvements. We got a line of credit of $100,000 because that’s how much our equity increased in the 6 years we’ve owned our home. Which is awesome!
But there was still a problem…
Even after all that, things were still not perfect. Our 3 kids are getting older and we enjoy hosting events and entertaining. We are now considering renting out our home and buying a slightly larger home. We are also considering investing in rental properties as another business. All while balancing and serving our insurance clients and mortgage clients. There are lots of considerations and things to learn as we determine our next steps. But the problem with that is it all takes time and money. With raising 3 kids, both of us working full-time jobs and our involvement with our community, we need to carefully prioritize our time for maximum results and quality of life. It’s not easy.
We got so frustrated with working for other people that didn’t give us true earning potential and took so much of our time, that we started our own mortgage and insurance business after building up others’ companies for years.
We chose to call it To Shop Mortgages and To Shop Insurance. It’s two separate businesses with matching websites www.ToShopMortgages.com and www.ToShopinsurance.com.
We thought if we could create something that would make it possible to help other families buy real estate and build wealth, possibly also learn to be entrepreneurs, which that can free up their time so they can serve their communities and raise their children, we’d be really happy.
After struggling and being stressed out and overworked, I realized that I wouldn’t reach my goals if I worked to build someone else’s business. But I was so paralyzed by fear of failure and past bankruptcy that I didn’t take action for years.
Though it sounds almost too good to be true, my wife was able to quit her corporate job in 2018 and she now helps me in my mortgage and insurance business full time. We focus on helping families buy their dream homes and protect their futures.
As a result of all this we were able to achieve the following:
We spend time with our kids at their school events and serving our church by leading a small group in our home. Of course, my wife and I had to learn to work well together, which was hard at first. But it has strengthened our marriage and the parenting of our kids. We are learning to become better partners in business, in family, in the gospel, and in life.
As a result of this, I was able to achieve my dream of being my own boss and creating a family business. I’ve also been able to stop living paycheck to paycheck and have tons of debt looming over me. I can stop living in fear and uncertainty because we now fully trust God to provide. It does help to have passive income built up and the stability that our businesses provide too. But none of that would be possible or as successful if we didn’t choose to learn his formula of success.
And in the end, all of this has given me greater faith and greater peace in my life. We have enough for the lifestyle we have, to be able to give to charities and other needs, and most of all have the extra time to invest in the relationships and community that are most important to us so that we can LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL!
